The Burden of Omniscience
Many Christians equate emotional agitation about world events with spiritual seriousness. We assume that caring means feeling distressed. This is a false virtue. We consume endless reports of distant sorrows. We watch tragedies unfold on our screens. We absorb the trauma of nations we will never visit and mistake that emotional exhaustion for spiritual maturity. We convince ourselves that our internal grief is an acceptable substitute for physical obedience.
But internal anxiety is not a fruit of the Spirit. It’s often a substitute for actual obedience.

This false virtue of worry creates a massive problem for the local church. It paralyzes us. We look at a global crisis and realize we can’t fix it. We then look at a local problem in Kingsland and subconsciously put it in the same category. We label everything as sad but impossible to change. We use our exhaustion over distant wars to excuse our inaction across the street. We assuage our guilt by telling ourselves we would help if we could. We declare the world too broken to fix so we grant ourselves permission to fix nothing.
 
We exchange the difficult work of local faithfulness for the easier work of distant concern. 
Global distraction is not just a modern accident but a convenient cover for our own inherent selfishness. If you take away the news cycle from a lazy Christian, they will simply find a different excuse to ignore the person living across the street. Turning off the news feed does not automatically create a loving heart. But laying down our global worry removes a powerful and deceptive excuse we use to justify our local apathy.

Acts 17:26-27 tells us that God determined the allotted periods and the exact boundaries of our  dwelling place. God sovereignly placed you in your specific neighborhood. He established the borders of your physical life so you would seek him and serve the people directly around you.  

We are limited creatures by design. Because we are finite and embodied creatures, God ordinarily calls us to love those he places in our immediate path. In the Good Samaritan parable,  Jesus shows that a “neighbor” is not someone we must search the world to find, but the person  who providence sets before us in the course of ordinary life. The Samaritan did not go looking  for a victim, he responded faithfully to the need God placed directly in front of him. In the same  way, God does not lay upon us the burden of carrying the world’s sorrows, but calls us to  exercise mercy within the sphere of responsibility he has assigned. Our duty is not to bear every possible need, but to love the neighbor who God, in his wise providence, has placed at our side. Passive anxiety yields no spiritual fruit and alters nothing. Properly ordered love forces us to move from passive anxiety into active and local gospel partnership.
We must reject the idea that feeling overwhelmed is a badge of honor. It is actually a hindrance to the work God has called us to do.

The Cost of Global Distraction
A man can spend three hours scrolling through war updates and convince himself he is carrying his cross. He believes his deep emotional distress is proof of his compassion. He goes to bed burdened by the daily news and wakes up paralyzed by the exact same headlines. Yet this same man is too emotionally bankrupt from the daily news cycle to lead his own family in evening worship. He never gives money to a Christian relief organization. He endlessly scrolls the timeline and stews in his manufactured dread. Later that day he drives past a neighbor in the midst of a family crisis and conveniently looks the other way. He ignores an opportunity to share the gospel with a coworker. He skips a church outreach event. He feels too drained by the state of the world to engage in local ministry.

His worry produced absolutely nothing.

It didn’t clothe the naked. It didn’t feed the hungry. It didn’t preach the gospel to the lost. It only produced a self-righteous exhaustion.
 
This paralysis infects how we view our own congregation. A member feels deep distress over the moral collapse of the broader culture. They read countless articles about national political scandals. They are consumed by the cultural decay happening thousands of miles away. Meanwhile a younger couple in their own congregation is struggling in their marriage. They need wisdom and discipleship. The worried church member has the life experience to help them.

But the worried member is too focused on the national collapse to notice the local need. They have traded the ministry of discipleship for the false virtue of cultural anxiety.

C. S. Lewis identified this problem in a 1946 letter. ^{1 He noted that the rapid diffusion of news brings the sorrows of the entire world to us every morning. Lewis doubted it was the duty of any private person to fix his mind on ills he can’t help. He warned that this worry can become an escape from the works of charity we can actually do for those we know.}
 
If Lewis feared this trend in the era of the morning newspaper, then we are living in a nightmare he could barely imagine.

We do not merely receive the news. We are systematically hunted by it. Modern tech platforms utilize complex algorithms designed explicitly to hijack our attention and monetize our natural sympathy. These systems keep us in a state of perpetual outrage and emotional exhaustion because anxiety is highly profitable for them. We aren’t just making poor moral choices. We are participating in a carefully engineered psychological war that is designed to drain our spiritual energy and keep us from local action.
 
Lewis correctly observed that many people think the mere state of being worried is meritorious. It’s not. Righteous intercession is completely different from passive worry. Righteous intercession leads to dedicated prayer. It leads to partnering with reputable Christian organizations. It leads to actual gospel mission.

The 1689 London Baptist Confession of Faith addresses this in chapter 16 regarding good works. The confession states that good works are only those things commanded by God in his holy word. It further clarifies that good works are the fruits and evidences of a true and lively faith. Sitting in your living room feeling anxious about a distant headline is not a good work. It’s not commanded by God in his word. True faith produces tangible obedience. It produces actions that glorify God and benefit our neighbors. It requires us to move our hands and our feet.
 
Righteous Intercession vs. Sinful Worry 
Critics will inevitably argue that this local focus abandons the persecuted church and ignores the Great Commission. They might worry that this teaching promotes a selfish isolationism. 
We must recognize that Scripture commands us to weep with those who weep. A biblical lament over distant evil is not a sin. It’s entirely right to feel profound grief when we see images of war or starvation. But godly lament drives us to the throne of grace and ends in a renewed trust in the sovereign God. Sinful worry traps us in a cycle of despair and prevents us from doing good works. We must not confuse a stoic and unfeeling heart with Christian maturity. But we also must not confuse paralyzing anxiety with godly lament. The biblical answer is not to abandon the nations but to engage them in a way that actually bears fruit. We absolutely must care about the unreached people groups of the world. We must pray fervently for believers suffering in other nations. We must fund international missions and send out evangelists.
 
But we must distinguish between sinful worry and righteous intercession.

Sinful worry is internal and isolating. It does not affect your prayer life. It does not change your financial giving. It does not alter your daily religious affections. It just makes you tired and pessimistic. Righteous intercession looks entirely different. When you hear of a distant sorrow you take it directly to God. You plead with him to intervene. You ask him to comfort his people. You then look for concrete ways to support the work through trusted mission boards or relief funds.

Sometimes the modern news cycle exposes us to horrors where no mission board exists. There are tragedies where no financial donation will help. We lack any physical means to intervene. God does not give us omnipresence or omnipotence. When we face a sorrow we can’t physically impact we must pray. We must ask God to act and then immediately pivot to the local duties he has placed right in front of us. You exhaust your available means of Christian charity and then you deliberately submit the global outcome to his sovereign providence.
 
You trust that he is on his throne. You trust that he holds the nations in his hands. You leave the global outcome to him. You recognize that he is God and you are not. Once you entrust the distant sorrow to him you are free to act locally. Praying for God to act globally reminds us of his absolute sovereignty. It teaches us that he alone saves. This realization destroys the fear of man that keeps us silent. When you trust that God can sustain a persecuted church across the globe you suddenly realize he can sustain you in a conversation across the fence. 
You are no longer paralyzed by the weight of the world. You suddenly find the energy to serve your church and the joy to lead your own family. You gain the boldness to preach the gospel to the man living next door in Camden County.

True global concern does not eliminate local responsibility. It actually fuels it.
A heart that truly breaks for the unreached nations will also break for the unsaved neighbor. If your global concern makes you ignore your local church, then your concern is fraudulent.

Faithful in Our Sphere of Obedience
God does not demand that we carry the paralyzing burden of omniscience. He calls Christians to do the next faithful thing. Our church will never build its witness on its ability to worry about every crisis. Our witness depends on our willingness to faithfully love the people God has actually placed within our reach. Repent of the pride that assumes you are meant to carry the burdens of the whole earth. Embrace the quiet obscurity of serving the people standing right in front of you.

You can’t outsmart an algorithm with theology alone.
 
Because tech platforms actively engineer digital addiction you must introduce a physical discipline to break the dopamine loop. Delete unprofitable applications from your phone. Turn off your notifications. Restrict your media consumption to a scheduled time each week. You must physically disarm the digital machine before you can effectively engage your actual neighborhood.

But do not mistake a technological fast for a spiritual resurrection.
 
The algorithm did not invent your apathy. It merely capitalized on the selfishness of fallen human nature. Removing the screen only clears the path. You must plead with the Holy Spirit to actually animate your affections. Only he can empower you to step out of your door and love the neighbor standing on your porch.

You must translate your theology into immediate and local action. Identify one local act of faithfulness you have neglected because you felt too overwhelmed by the world. This means taking action this week. Invite the unbelieving neighbor to dinner or go visit the homebound widow in our congregation.
 
Stop offering God your anxiety. Offer him your obedience.

Walk across the street. Share the gospel. Serve Awakening Church. Love the neighbor you can actually touch.
 
¹ C. S. Lewis to Dom Bede Griffiths, 20 December 1946, in Yours, Jack: Spiritual Direction from C. S. Lewis, ed. Paul F. Ford (New York: HarperOne, 2008), 119

A member of our congregation recently asked a great question and it cuts straight to the functional reality of authority in a Christian home. They wanted to know the practical difference between a wife submitting to her husband and a child obeying their parents. The answer to this question can dictate whether a home feels like a gospel sanctuary or a legalistic prison. A husband who treats his wife like a child will destroy the covenant companionship God intended. A wife who thinks submission means mindless compliance will lose her moral agency. In light of that, I wanted to give some thoughts and clearly separate marital leadership from parental training.

Definition and Distinction
The New Testament separates these two concepts by using entirely different Greek words. Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians chapter 5. The Greek word is hupotasso. It means to voluntarily align yourself under a recognized authority. Paul then tells children to obey their parents in Ephesians chapter 6. The Greek word is hupakouo. This word implies hearing a command and executing it without question.

Covenant Partnership vs Parental Correction
A wife offers intelligent and willing submission. She brings spiritual maturity to the marriage as a fellow heir of grace. A young child enters the world lacking wisdom and requires strict oversight to survive and grow. A parent must enforce obedience to drive foolishness from the heart of the child. Parental authority is temporary, and is designed to end when the child leaves the home to start a new family. Marital submission is permanent, and it matures into a deep and abiding companionship.

Shepherding a Wife Without Punitive Power
A true test of biblical headship appears the moment a husband and wife disagree or encounter sin. When a child disobeys, parents must step in with corrective discipline, using the rod or removing privileges to enforce compliance. A husband does not discipline his wife. He holds no punitive authority over her.
Marriage is a mutual help covenant. If a wife sins the husband does not ground her or take away her privileges. A faithful husband shepherds his bride through scriptural instruction and prayer while trusting the Holy Spirit to bring conviction. He does not use punitive coercion to force a confession or exact revenge.

Protective Boundary Setting in a Crisis
When circumstances escalate beyond normal patterns, protective leadership may require immediate and decisive action during a live crisis. A wife might fall into severe sin and actively endanger the children. She might abuse substances or drain the family bank accounts. A husband must step in to stop her. He might need to take the car keys or cancel the credit cards. Far from abusing his headship, a husband must step in forcefully to protect his family. His authority does not allow for punitive coercion to exact revenge but it does demand protective intervention to halt active destruction. Taking the keys is a necessary and protective exercise of headship. It is not an act of parental discipline. Punitive measures may seek to exact a penalty or drive out childish folly. Protective leadership shields the family from immediate and devastating harm. The husband acts as a protective shield and not as a punitive judge. He secures the physical safety of the home while relying on the church and the Holy Spirit for spiritual restoration.

The Process of Making Decisions
The contrast between submission and obedience may become obvious when a family faces a major decision. Obedience is the required compliance of a dependent while submission is the willing deference of a trusted equal. A parent tells a young toddler what to eat and when to sleep. The toddler has no vote in the matter. The relationship is strictly directive. A husband and wife must cultivate consensus on everything from household budgets to the education of their children. She serves as his primary counselor by bringing her unique spiritual wisdom to the table. Submission means she willingly defers to his final decision when they can’t reach a consensus. God established this functional order at creation in Genesis chapter 2. The husband holds the final say because God holds him uniquely accountable for the spiritual direction of the family. He is not a federal head like Adam but he bears the primary responsibility to shepherd his home. She honors his role as the head of the home to break the tie. She does not blindly follow a dictator.

The Role of Church Authority
If a wife falls into unrepentant and grievous sin the husband can’t act as her judge. He can’t excommunicate his wife. Church discipline belongs exclusively to the gathered church under the authority of the elders. The husband must plead with his wife privately. If she refuses to repent, he must follow the command of Matthew chapter 18 just like any other church member. He does not have a fast track to excommunication. He must invite one or two witnesses into the situation. This is where mature discipleship partners or pastoral biblical counseling become an essential help. He brings in trusted believers to mediate the conflict and call her to repentance. He brings the matter to the elders only if she continues in hardhearted rebellion. This process proves he is not her ultimate spiritual judge and that God alone is Lord of the conscience.

Because they are absolute equals in the grace of life a wife possesses the exact same biblical right to bring an unrepentant husband before the gathered church. If he refuses to turn from grievous sin she must invite witnesses and eventually tell it to the elders. This symmetric access to the keys of the kingdom destroys the false idea that a husband acts as a spiritual mediator.

1 Peter 4:8 teaches that “love covers a multitude of sins”. In marriage, this means that genuine love is patient with human weakness and slow to take offense. Love seeks peace instead of blowing up over every minor fault. It chooses humility and grace over winning an argument. I would urge husbands and wives to bear with the weaknesses of spouses just as Christ bears with our weaknesses. While a parent must correct every major fault in a child a husband or wife must overlook minor offenses to maintain a peaceful marriage. Throughout all this, a husband leads her by modeling repentance and humility himself.
We understand that all human authority is delegated and bounded by God. The husband is not a mediator between his wife and God. Christ is the only mediator of the new covenant. The wife has direct access to the throne of grace. She reads the word of God with the illumination of the Holy Spirit. She does not depend on her husband to serve as a priest who stands between her and heaven. When a husband demands blind obedience he acts as if he holds mediatorial power. This is a severe theological error.

Scripture describes Christ in Matthew 12:20 as the one who “will not break a bruised reed, and will not quench a smoldering wick.” A husband must reflect this exact disposition toward his wife. When she is struggling or bruised by the trials of life, he does not demand strict compliance. He binds up her wounds. He speaks words of grace and comfort. A father might need to sternly correct a rebellious teenager to keep him out of danger. A husband must draw near to a hurting wife with the soothing balm of the gospel.

Understanding the Example of Sarah
The questions asked specifically brought up Peter’s words and asked how they relate to this framework. In 1 Peter 3:6, Peter says that “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” At first glance, someone might ask whether this implies a wife owes the same kind of strict obedience that a child owes a parent. We can’t ignore this verse, but we need to read it within its covenantal and redemptive historical context.
Peter is not prescribing a universal marital vocabulary or a parent/child dynamic. He is appealing to Sarah’s posture of trust, not to a rigid model of authority. In this passage, the word obey refers to a willing, respectful responsiveness, not servile subordination. Sarah followed Abraham because she trusted God, not because she was coerced. Her use of the term lord was a cultural expression of honor, not an ontological statement about hierarchy or value.

Peter’s point is that Sarah demonstrated fearless faith in a fallen world. Her respect for Abraham flowed from her deeper confidence in God’s promises. Nothing in the passage reduces her to a child or diminishes her dignity. Instead, Peter highlights her strength, courage, and hope in God. Her example shows that marital love expresses itself through a posture of mutual honor rooted in shared covenantal identity as heirs of grace.

The Limits of Marital Authority
All earthly authority is delegated and accountable to God. A wife must never obey her husband if he commands her to sin. She must immediately refuse any demands like committing tax fraud or abandoning the gathered church. She entrusts herself to the care of her husband without surrendering her ultimate allegiance to Christ.

A wife possesses the full moral agency of a mature believer. She yields to her husband only in the Lord because she is bound by scripture first. A husband demanding absolute and unquestioning compliance usurps the authority belonging to Christ alone.
That being said, husbands will inevitably make poor choices that are foolish but not strictly sinful. He might insist on a risky financial investment against wise counsel. A wife does not violate her conscience or sin by warning him of the dangers. She should respectfully present her wisdom. The book of Proverbs also warns repeatedly about a contentious woman. A faithful wife knows when the warning stops and the yielding begins. Once she clearly presents her case she leaves the matter with the Lord. She refuses to continually bring up his foolishness or nag him about the issue. If he presses forward, she supports his tie breaking vote without crossing into defiance. She yields out of reverence for Christ and trusts the Lord to honor her obedience to his design.

Now, where an isolated mistake requires patience, a chronic pattern of destructive behavior demands action. A husband repeatedly ignoring wise counsel and bleeding the family dry is doing more than making bad budgets. He is failing his biblical duty to provide for his household. 1 Timothy chapter 5 warns that a man failing to provide for his family has denied the faith. Scripture does not leave a wife defenseless when chronic foolishness crosses into objective sin. She holds the biblical right to follow the command of Matthew chapter 18. Seeking outside accountability is not an attempt to usurp his headship. It is the faithful application of scripture to address unrepentant sin and preserve the home.

A wife also retains absolute biblical rights to protect her children from immediate physical harm or catastrophic failure. She is never required to submit to reckless endangerment. If a husband attempts to drive drunk, she takes his keys. If he falls into severe addiction or gambles away the grocery money, she acts quickly to protect the children from starvation. She seeks immediate intervention from church elders and/or civil authorities to establish safety. She works under the covering of these lawful spheres to secure the family. Submission never means standing by in silence while a reckless man destroys the family.

A Practical Call for Awakening Couples
The difference between submission and obedience is the difference between a partner and a dependent. God gave you a wife to be your closest counselor and covenant companion. God gave you a husband to be your loving shepherd and faithful guide. Do not degrade the covenant of marriage into a glorified babysitting arrangement.
A healthy home requires honest self-examination. Take time this week to ask one courageous question about the culture of your household. Those who lead should ask whether their influence reflects the gentleness of Christ or the pressure of control. Those who support should ask whether their contribution is marked by wisdom and goodwill or by quiet resistance. The goal here is growth and not finger pointing, as husbands learn to lead with Christlike gentleness and wives learn to follow with Christ honoring wisdom and trust.

If a husband believes he is the mediator between his wife and God, he will either become a tyrant  or collapse under the weight, and both will ruin a marriage.

During our recent teaching series through Ephesians 5, a good question surfaced regarding the  exact nature of a husband's authority. Someone specifically asked whether a husband functions as  a "federal head" over his wife, or merely a "covenantal" one.
 
This is not a debate over seminary trivia. It is a vital distinction that determines whether a home  is governed by the grace of Christ, suffocated by a tyrant playing God, or paralyzed by a man  crushed under a weight he was never meant to carry.

The Strict Definitions  
A brief qualification might be necessary before defining these terms. In ordinary conversation,  many Christians use "federal headship" and "covenant headship" somewhat interchangeably, and  they often intend nothing more than that the husband bears a God ordained representative  responsibility within the family. When used in this broad and popular sense, little confusion may  result. The distinction being made here is not intended to criticize every casual use of the  terminology, but to bring greater theological precision. The question is not whether husbands are  representative heads, but what kind of representative headship scripture assigns to them. For that  reason, the following definitions use the terms in their strictest theological sense.
 
A "federal husband" strictly speaking, would be a representative head whose obedience or  disobedience is legally and forensically imputed to his wife's spiritual account, determining her  standing before God. In practical reality, this is an unbiblical role. If a husband were a federal  head, his wife's justification would depend on his spiritual performance, and he would act as her  mediator.

A "covenant husband" is a representative head appointed by God to lead, protect, and shepherd  his family under a solemn earthly covenant. He is the head of the earthly marriage covenant, not  the mediator of the New Covenant of grace. This is the biblical standard. He represents Christ  analogously, carrying immense responsibility for his family’s earthly flourishing without  attempting to be the mediator of his wife's eternal soul.

The Danger of a False Mediator
Strict federal headship belongs exclusively to two men in human history: Adam and Jesus Christ.  When Adam ate the fruit, you fell in him, his treason was imputed to your account. When Christ  perfectly obeyed the Father and died on the cross, his righteousness was imputed to everyone  who believes.

A husband is not a third federal head. He does not mediate his wife's standing before God.

When we blur this line and “upgrade” a husband from a covenantal head to a federal head, the  most obvious disaster is the creation of a theological tyrant. When a husband believes he is the  federal representative of his wife's soul, he could assume he is the author of her justification and  the Holy Spirit’s ultimate enforcer of her sanctification, and he begins to micromanage her  conscience. I have seen husbands become convinced that every spiritual struggle in the home is  theirs to control. They begin treating opinions or input as rebellion and their own personal  preferences as divine mandates. For example, he might dictate her specific Bible reading plan  and treat her failure to complete it as a sin against his leadership, positioning himself as the self appointed gatekeeper to her communion with God.

The second disaster is the quiet paralysis of the husband who genuinely wants to do right. This is  the man who stalls his family’s major decisions, genuinely believing that if he chooses the wrong  job, God will hold him federally responsible for his wife or children’s subsequent spiritual  apathy. He tries to bear the wrath and judgment of God for his family’s sins, forgetting that  Christ already drank that cup.

The third disaster falls on the wife, who loses her direct access to the throne of grace. She feels  spiritually paralyzed, unable to pray or read the Word confidently simply because her husband is  currently spiritually dry or failing to lead family worship. She mistakenly treats her husband like  an Old Testament priest, if he isn't entering the Holy of Holies on her behalf, she assumes she is  locked out in the courtyard.

The Priestly Objection  
At this point, an objection may arise, especially after considering Ephesians 5. Paul explicitly  says that Christ sanctifies the church, "having cleansed her by the washing of water with the  word" (Eph. 5:26), and then immediately applies Christ's pattern to husbands. Does this not  imply that husbands exercise some form of priestly or mediatorial headship over their wives?

The answer is both yes and no.
 
Yes, in the sense that husbands are called to lead their families spiritually. But no, in the sense  that he is not a mediator between God and his family. The husband then exercises a derivative 
and analogical ministry, and this is far from diminishing a husband's authority, this distinction  protects both husband and wife. It preserves the husband's weighty responsibility to shepherd his  family while preventing him from assuming a burden that God has reserved exclusively for  Christ. The husband is called to reflect the Savior, not replace Him.

The Real Weight of Covenant Headship  
Make no mistake here, relinquishing the incorrect title of a strict federal head is not a license for  passivity, nor does it excuse a man from the spiritual battles of his household.

A covenant husband carries massive, undeniable weight. We can’t pretend that the physical  decisions of the household are disconnected from the spiritual destiny of the family. In God's  economy, temporal duties have eternal echoes.
 
While a husband can’t save his wife or his children, which is Christ's exclusive federal work, his  covenantal stewardship is the soil in which his family's eternal souls either wither or thrive. In  other words, God uses ordinary, temporal means to accomplish eternal ends.

If a husband abdicates his duty to lead, discipline, and protect, he does not just leave behind a  wake of temporary behavioral rebellion. He creates a spiritual vacuum that can deeply obstruct  the faith of his household. But we need to be precise here, because the husband does not have the  expiatory power to save, he also does not possess the sovereign power to damn. A husband is a  gardener, not the life of the seed. He is primarily tasked with cultivating the soil of the home,  guarding the environment where faith is nurtured, but he does not command the rain, nor does he  create the spiritual life within the seed itself.
 
His failure is obstructive, not ultimately causative. But, a negligent gardener can still devastate a  field, and his temporal failures have massive eternal implications because his leadership,  including the washing of his wife in the Word and the instruction of his children, is the ordinary  means God uses in the home. When I say a father’s failures have "eternal implications," I mean  they corrupt the ordinary means God uses to nurture a family's faith, even though they can’t override the final outcome of God's sovereign salvation. 
Reformed theology has historically resolved this tension through the distinction between God's  secret will and his revealed will (Deuteronomy 29:29). God's secret will governs the eternal  outcome, including the salvation of his people. His revealed will governs our duty. A husband is  responsible for obeying what God has commanded, but the ultimate work of salvation remains in  God's sovereign hands.

The husband's duty is strictly bound to this revealed will. He must diligently lead, pray, and wash  his wife in the Word because God has ordained his faithful obedience as the normative soil for  his family's growth. But his anxiety is relieved by God’s secret will. He can rest in the reality that  God’s sovereign election remains unbreakable, even when his own leadership is fractured.

While a father's sin can cause immense temporal and spiritual devastation, even serving at times as a  negative means of judgment, he is never the author of the eternal decree. Why do some children  of bad fathers get saved and others do not? It’s not merely a matter of soil conditions, it’s a  matter of God's secret, electing will. A father holds the heavy, serious weight of obedience, but  God alone holds the absolute weight of salvation.

Likewise, a husband who abandons his covenantal post leaves his wife emotionally and  spiritually exposed. Her justification before God is eternally secure, but a passive husband forces  his wife to carry the spiritual weight of the household alone, leaving her to defend a home he has  functionally abandoned. But, even in the most barren of homes, she is never cut off from grace.  When the household soil is corrupted by a husband's failure, Christ directly waters and nourishes  his people through the broader covenant community, the local church, the preaching of the Word,  and the sacraments. The husband is a vital gardener, but he is not the only gardener God has  given her.

Measured by Sacrifice, Not Control  
The true measure of a biblical husband is not the amount of control he exercises over his domain,  but the amount of sacrifice he makes for the sake of loving his wife. While Ephesians 5 calls a  husband to play a role in his wife's sanctification, he does so through sacrificial nurture, not by  assuming a controlling veto over her personal conscience.

This means sacrifice in the quiet, unglamourous, daily stewardship of a shared life. It looks like  bearing the heavy pressure of a financial crisis with steady faith, inviting his wife in as a helper  without crushing her under the weight of his own despair. It looks like being the first to pursue  
reconciliation after a bitter argument, choosing the holiness of his household over the vindication  of his pride. It means sacrificing his own leisure and preferences on a weekend to shepherd a  struggling child, refusing the temptation to emotionally check out when the home becomes  chaotic.

For the husbands reading this, you are called to lead your home with faithful, covenantal  authority. Understanding that you are the head of the marriage covenant, rather than a federal  mediator, contextualizes the very nature of your leadership. Because you are not her mediator,  you do not possess absolute sovereignty over your wife’s conscience. Your authority over her is  delegated, bounded, and strictly defined by the commands of her true Federal Head, Jesus Christ.  This means you are called to fiercely protect, provide for, and wash your family in the Word, but  you must never position yourself as the gatekeeper to her soul. You are a steward of her earthly  flourishing, not the savior of her eternal state. Do the heavy, daily work of sacrificial love, and  rest in the fact that the legal declaration of your wife's righteousness before God is already  finished by Christ.

For the wives reading this, respect the immense weight of your husband's covenantal calling.  Understanding that he is the head of the marriage covenant, rather than your federal mediator,  contextualizes the very nature of your submission. Because your husband is not your mediator,  you do not owe him absolute, unconditional submission. Your submission to your covenantal  head is bounded and defined by your primary, unmediated allegiance to your true Federal Head,  Jesus Christ. This means you joyfully submit to his earthly leadership in all things, except where  following him would require you to sin against God. He can’t command what Christ forbids, and  he can’t forbid what Christ commands. You do not need to base your assurance of salvation on  your husband's spiritual performance, but you are called to honor and help the man who bears the  heavy burden of laying down his life for your family's good.

The daily sins of marriage are complex, but the cure for both domestic tyranny and the quiet  panic of abdication is simple, Christ’s federal headship is entirely sufficient. This single truth  frees the husband from the exhausting burden of playing God, and it frees the wife from the  crushing demand of treating him like one. The temptation in every generation is to give husbands  an authority Christ never granted or to deny them an authority Christ clearly commands.  Scripture does neither. Christ remains the sole Mediator, and husbands remain accountable  shepherds. When those truths are kept together, both tyranny and passivity are exposed for what  they are. Stripped of these false expectations, your marriage is free to function as a solemn  earthly covenant that reflects the grace of Christ without trying to replace him, one leading, one  helping, and both standing together before the same Savior.

 

Dear Awakening Church Family,

My prayer for you this month is that you are thriving in the love and truth of our Lord Jesus Christ. As we walk together in faith, I am eager to share a book that has profoundly enriched my relationship with God. I first read this book while on deployment aboard the USS Maryland. Prior to departing for patrol, I had been watching R.C. Sproul's conference videos, and this book was mentioned by several pastors among their recommended readings outside the Bible that have significantly impacted them. A Body of Divinity has since become a steadfast companion, bringing me closer to the heart of God. This book is on my “read each year” list, and I hope it will bless you as abundantly as it has blessed me.

Author: Thomas Watson (c. 1620–1686) was a Puritan preacher and author, renowned for his pastoral heart and eloquent exposition of Scripture. A graduate of Emmanuel College, Cambridge, Watson served as a minister in London until he was ejected for nonconformity in 1662. His writings, including A Body of Divinity, The Godly Man’s Picture, and The Doctrine of Repentance, reflect his gift for blending doctrinal precision with practical, heart-searching application, making him one of the most beloved Puritan writers.

Content: A Body of Divinity is a masterful collection of sermons based on the Shorter Catechism, covering foundational Christian doctrines from the nature of God to the hope of heaven. Watson took me on a journey through topics like the Trinity, creation, the fall, Christ’s redemptive work, and the last things, all while rooting every point in Scripture. The plan behind a recommendation such as this one is that we would come to understand and love the truth that that theology is not just for the mind but for the soul. Watson helps us to know God and, in this masterwork, reveals God’s glory and calling believers to live for His praise. Each section begins with a catechism question, followed by biblical exposition, theological reflection, and practical application. Watson’s vivid illustrations and poetic style make complex truths accessible—whether he’s unpacking “What is the chief end of man?” or exploring Christ’s priestly office. His emphasis on the God-centeredness of doctrine, paired with heart-stirring calls to devotion, sets this book apart as both a theological treatise and a devotional treasure. For anyone who’s ever felt adrift in the sea of doctrine, Watson’s clear, Scripture-soaked approach is like a lighthouse guiding you to the solid ground of biblical truth.

Who Should Read This Book?
• Christians seeking a deeper understanding of the Bible’s core doctrines.
• Pastors or Bible study leaders looking for a resource that’s both scholarly and pastoral.
• Believers hungry for theology that warms the heart and stirs worship.
• Anyone curious about Puritan spirituality and its relevance for today.

Recommendation: Reading A Body of Divinity is like sitting at the feet of a wise and loving mentor who patiently unveils the majesty of God with every page. Watson’s words are a tapestry of Scripture, woven with care to both teach and inspire. His ability to make lofty truths feel like a warm conversation makes this a must read for anyone seeking to know God more deeply. I would offer a single word of warning, although the Puritan style may take some getting used to, Watson’s vivid imagery and pastoral heart make every effort worthwhile. Awakening Church, let this book be a companion in your pursuit of God’s glory. It’s a treasure that will linger in your heart and mind.

Always remember:
“Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.”
– Charles Spurgeon

In Christ,
Ryan Milne

Family Integrated Church is a concept that aims to welcome people of all ages into the worship of God by following the principles of Scripture. 

At Awakening Church, this commitment to Scripture has led to the decision to staff a nursery for children up to the age of two, while all others above that age participate in the Church's regular services in the main sanctuary. This approach is a specific implementation of the family integrated church conviction, which varies in its application among different churches.

Why should I be excited about family integrated church?

1. There is only one salvation.

Acts 4:12 “And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

All people are, regardless of age, ability or any other factor, saved only by calling upon the name of Jesus Christ.

2. There has been given a specific way of spreading that salvation.

Romans 10:14 “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” 

God has chosen one specific way that his Word is to be spread, and that is not given to us in any modified way based on the age or skill of the person hearing. We all must hear preaching to call on God.

3. Children are addressed in the context of a church in the New Testament writings.

Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” 

In the letters that Paul wrote to the churches in Colossae and Ephesus, he takes the time to address children. Paul doesn’t give a note to parents on how to instruct their children, he expects them to be within hearing of the letter, right next to their parents, learning from the same lesson.

4. We see examples of the results of those raised in the knowledge of God’s Word.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 

This verse is a wonderful example of the faithful action of parents and guardians leading to not just the mental assent of the child, but of their growing into a position to be used greatly with God based on knowledge of Scripture.

5. Children are gifts, not a burden.

Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” 

The Bible, in no uncertain terms, teaches us that children are a blessing from God. We attempt to show our gratitude by faithfulness in all parts of our life, and children are a significant part of that.

6. Children and adults learn through difficulty.

Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” 

The bringing of children into the new situation of “adult” church will initially involve a learning curve. That learning curve will certainly involve some discipline and training; teaching them how to be (mostly) still, (somewhat) quiet, and encourage participation during service. But just as we learn in Hebrews 12, this is how our Heavenly Father teaches us, and we are called to imitate his efforts for our own children.

Conclusion

In short, a “family integrated church” is a church where you can read Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20 and the intended audience is there to hear it. There is no command to separate the people of God into groups for the ease of their instruction, and certainly not for the convenience of parents or annoyed congregants. Family integration in church is an effort taken up by the whole of those in attendance. 

Practical Considerations

1. Reach out to a member if you need assistance (e.g. when your husband is absent, or you are a single mother still teaching your children discipline in church), a member would be happy to sit by you to lend a hand and a watchful eye. If you find yourself feeling you need assistance with your children due to extenuating circumstances (dad/mom out of town, difficult morning. Please reach out to the congregation for help, we understand and would be happy to come alongside you in this effort.
2. If you need a place to rock a child to sleep or to let a little one walk out some energy, please feel welcome to take them to the back area of the sanctuary.
3. At the discretion of parents and their assessment of children’s maturity, supplemental materials are available (e.g. paper to draw/color on, clipboards, quiet toys).
4. We ask you to use your discretion, if a child becomes disruptive during service please remove them from the sanctuary for any disciplinary action or for a break. Please come back to join when ready. 
5. While we are in our temporary location, no food or drink is allowed in the sanctuary. We understand that little ones may have dry snacks/bottles, if so, we ask that you pick up after your family and ensure no trash is left behind.
6. Children and their obedience does not come from nowhere and cannot not be cultivated with once a week practice. A family’s commitment to building discipline during their daily family worship or devotions will greatly aid in their ability to behave and grow while attending Lord’s Day worship.

Resources
Book on the children in worship:
https://www.amazon.com/Let-Children-Worship-Jason-Helopoulos/dp/1781919097

Article on the above book:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/let-the-children-worship-in-church/

An article by John Piper where he explains his decision to family integrate:
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-family-together-in-gods-presence

A practical article by John and Noel Piper covering the benefits of children in worship and practical advice on discipline:
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-children-sit-through-big-church

Joel Beeke Five-Part Series on “Teaching Children to Listen”:

• Part 1 - How to Prepare Children To Get the Most from Church

https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/14092057330/a

• Part 2 - How to Listen to the Sermon

https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/2109171897/a

• Part 3 - Putting Listening into Practice

https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/2809138483/a

• Part 4 - Teaching Children to Listen in the Home

https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/222091640495/a

• Part 5 - Teaching Children to Listen in the Home (Cont.)

https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/22809837360/a

Greetings to Awakening Church,

My prayer this month is that you are finding time to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In the spirit of that prayer, I want to offer a book that had a strong effect on my personal growth. In my past, like many Baptists, I fought through a dark place, visited by frequent bouts of “Presbyterian temptation”. Thanks be to God for clear and lucid writing able to bring me back from the brink. Authors such as Denault, Coxe, Owen, Barcellos, and Renihan have been like supportive companions, with Renihan's work in particular getting to the heart of the matter. I sincerely hope that you will also find the portrayal of Christ in this book as inspiring and enlightening as I have.

Author: Samuel Renihan is pastor of Trinity Reformed Baptist Church in La Mirada, California, and serves as an adjunct professor at International Reformed Baptist Seminary. Sam has authored various books on covenant theology, Baptist history, and the doctrine of God, in English and Spanish, such as The Mystery of Christ, His Covenant, and His Kingdom, Deity & Decree, and Crux, Mors, Inferi: A Primer and Reader on the Descent of Christ. 

Content: Renihan, a pastor and scholar with a gift for explaining complex theology, takes readers through the Bible’s covenants: from Adam to Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, and finally to the New Covenant in Christ. His big idea is that these covenants aren’t just random, disconnected promises—they’re a unified storyline that reveals God’s plan to redeem His people through Jesus. The book explores how each covenant builds on the last, culminating in Christ’s life, death, and resurrection, which establishes His kingdom and fulfills God’s promises. This book stands out with a focus on “1689 Federalism,” a Baptist take on covenant theology. Unlike some other views, it emphasizes that the Old Testament covenants were temporary and pointed to Christ, who brings the ultimate covenant of grace. Don’t worry if that sounds heavy—Renihan breaks it down with clear explanations and plenty of Scripture. Renihan’s emphasis on the Christ-centered nature of the covenants is both devotionally rich and intellectually rigorous, offering a fresh perspective that distinguishes Baptist Covenant Theology from other Reformed views. This book is the answer to the accidental Baptist, there is no longer a reason for not understanding the deep, theologically consistent, and historical Baptist covenantal history.

Who Should Read This Book?
- Christians wanting to understand the Bible’s storyline and how it points to Jesus.
- Baptists curious about their theological roots, especially “1689 Federalism.”
- Pastors or Bible study leaders looking for a solid resource on covenant theology.
- Anyone who loves theology and wants a book that’s both deep and devotional.

Recommendation: * Reihan’s work in covenant functions like the picture on the front of a puzzle box, without it you could still put the pieces together, it just gets so much easier if you understand what you’re making. Clear writing, a Scripture-soaked approach, and passion for Christ make this a book that informs your mind and stirs your heart.

Always remember:
“Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.”
- Charles Spurgeon

In Christ,
Ryan Milne

Greetings to Awakening Church. Based on our schedule, we missed March’s book review. However, we did move an entire church. With all our extra time on Sunday mornings, I wanted to suggest an excellent read that touches on more than its title suggests.

Author: James White is the director of Alpha and Omega Ministries. He is Professor of Church History and Apologetics at Grace Bible Theological Seminary, and has taught Greek, Hebrew, Systematic Theology, Textual Criticism, Church History, and various topics in the field of apologetics for numerous other schools. He has authored or contributed to more than twenty-four books.

Content: James White’s The King James Only Controversy dives into a big argument: Is the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible the only “true” English Bible, or are modern ones like the NIV and ESV just as good? I ran into this question when I first became a believer and was shopping for my first significant Bible purchase. White writes this to explain why he thinks the KJV-only crowd is off base and why newer translations are trustworthy.

After my conversion, I fell into the months-long trap of trying to figure out why so many claimed that people were “changing the word of God”. I used the King James version of the Bible for months, thinking that in the worst case, it was a defensive move in which I couldn’t go wrong. I certainly didn’t want to have some version of the Bible that had been nefariously altered guiding me in my faith.

The book starts with a quick history of the KJV—how it was made in 1611 using a set of Greek and Hebrew texts called the Textus Receptus. White compares that to modern Bibles, which use older, more varied manuscripts. His main point? The KJV is an awesome and historic translation, but it’s not perfect, and newer versions aren’t trying to ruin anything—they’re just built on better evidence.

James White takes on big KJV-only claims, like how some verses (think Acts 8:37 or 1 John 5:7-8) are “missing” in new translations. He says it’s not a conspiracy—it’s just scholars trying to get closer to the original words. He’s clear and smart about it, breaking down examples so you can follow.

The good: James White knows his Bible languages and history, and he’s great at debunking wild ideas (like modern translations being some evil plot).
 
The bad: It can get heavy with details about old manuscripts—this is cool if you’re a nerd for that, but might be boring if you’re not.
Recommendation: This book, written in 1995, still matters today because people still fight over this question. It’s perfect if you’re curious about how Bibles get made and don’t mind some heavier, brainy parts. If you just want a light read, it might feel like too much. If you have questions about your Bible version or are itching to begin learning about the science of textual criticism, this is a great place to start. 

Always remember:

“Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.”
- Charles Spurgeon

In Christ,
Ryan Milne

Greetings to Awakening Church, I hope this post helps you add another title to the never-ending list of worthwhile reads for the Glory of Christ! I was introduced to this title after finishing two other books by Renihan, and after being impressed I couldn't wait to see what he had to say about the descent of Christ.

Author: Samuel Renihan is a pastor, theologian, and author known for his quality work in the Reformed Baptist tradition. His other amazing works focus on covenant theology, the doctrine of God, and the historical roots of the Particular Baptist tradition of faith.

Content: This book places at our fingertips a theological primer and a detailed look into church history surrounding the topic of Christ’s descent into hell. Renihan writes in two parts, each serving a unique purpose and when put together sheds amazing light on this often misunderstood or overlooked aspect of Christology.

• What happened to Christ between the cross and the resurrection?
• Was anything accomplished while Christ was in the grave?
• Does the Bible have anything specific to say or is everything open to interpretation?

The first part functions as a primer and lays out a straightforward and biblically grounded case for understanding the descent of Christ. He ties the question of Christ’s descent to the victory of Jesus through the death, burial, and resurrection. He argues strongly using texts like Ephesians 4:9 and 1 Peter 3:19 that the question of where Christ went for three days has a real answer. This doctrine is tied inextricably to the victory of Christ and not associated with any of the false beliefs that Christ went to hell to suffer further or to be a sacrificial burnt offering.

The second part shifts as Renihan dives into historical theology. He unearths source after source from Reformation-era theologians who held strongly to an accurate view of the descent of Christ. He displays how this question was historically debated providing the reader with a rich historical perspective. Writing like this helps us tie our thoughts today with the giants of the faith who have gone before us and who considered this a topic worth meditation and debate. 

Recommendation: Renihan succeeds in a big way in both sections not only in content but in application. Renihan writes with an inviting tone allowing newcomers to this topic easy entry, but deeply enough that his exegetical arguments would satisfy a theologian or a pastor. Renihan opens before our eyes another reason to worship and glorify the God who truly conquered death and the grave.

Always remember:

“Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.”
- Charles Spurgeon

In Christ,
Ryan Milne

Greetings to Awakening Church, I hope this post finds you all doing well and glorifying Christ. Although I don’t plan on writing a review of everything I read, I thought a few of the more interesting titles would be beneficial to our congregation. I forget how I was introduced to this specific book, but it was an absolute delight to read with a respectful and scholarly tone while dealing with differing views on this subject.

Author: Tim Chaffey is the founder of Midwest Apologetics and works as the Content Manager with the Attractions Division of Answers in Genesis. He is responsible for developing the content for the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter exhibits.

Content: This book tackles some of the Bible's most fascinating questions about the Nephilim. Author Tim Chaffey combines a thorough inspection of related Biblical texts and extrabiblical writings to put together and discuss the three popular views concerning the Nephilim. He not only tackles each differing view, but he places those views in their respective place in church history and provides the backdrop as to why those views held prominence when they did. What were the Nephilim? Were they Giants? Were they fallen men or men who fall (attack) on other men? Were they men of incredible strength?  

My interpretation of Genesis 6:1-4 was always something I held to loosely. I had never had the time or opportunity to do much in-depth study concerning the orthodox interpretations held throughout church history. Tim Chaffey does an amazing job compiling some of the best resources concerning these questions:

• Who were the Nephilim?
• When were the Nephilim on earth?
• Who were the sons of God?
• What is the divine council?

Fallen provides a scholarly discussion of the three primary positions; the fallen angel, the Sethite, and the royalty views. Each view is looked at independently and the pros and cons of holding each are discussed. Fallen is broken down into chapters, designed to walk you through the differing interpretations and bring you out on the other side with answers. Tim Chaffey takes time to address the Biblical text and specific questions that arise from each view. Then, to top it all off the book contains an appendix with other adjacent topics that didn’t quite find a home in the primary work. The witch of Endor, female giants, imprisoned spirits, and the angelic rebellion are all walked through in the book's amazing appendix.

Recommendation: Although this book won’t break down any theological barriers, it deals with this third-tier issue of interpretation exceedingly well. I highly recommend Fallen for its exegetical content and respectful analysis of the historical positions. After reading Fallen, you might find another piece of the puzzle sliding into place, allowing a deeper, more complete understanding of the Biblical story.

Always remember:
“Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.”
- Charles Spurgeon

In Christ,
Ryan Milne 

Member Question: 
My question comes from Matthew 5:34. Is Jesus explicitly stating that we do not take oaths at all? In testing all my traditional beliefs, how do we discern what to do or not do? Things that come to mind: my oath to my wife, promises I’ve made to my kids, my oath to the military, saying the pledge of allegiance to our flag, taking an oath in court, Are these all sins? What does it mean biblically if you break an oath?

Sunday Pastor Ryan preached about God taking an oath to Abraham. I understand that God can’t sin. However, God is also the only one who can keep an oath because he cannot fail, and he cannot lie. So just because God did it, I can’t say that I should be able to as well. I look forward to your guidance on this issue.

Understanding the Question

This topic has bubbled up more than once over the past few weeks and I appreciate the chance to speak on this specific issue. I want to try and break the question down and answer each part, here is what I see being asked.

1. Is Jesus explicitly stating that we do not take oaths at all, what about all the oaths I’ve already taken, are they all sins?
2. What does it mean biblically if you break an oath?
3. Is God the only one allowed to make oaths because only God can guarantee that an oath can be kept?

Wisdom From the Confession

Before I even begin to answer, I wanted to include the wisdom given in the 1689 LBCF. It speaks directly to this topic, although it might not answer all the specifics brought up in the question. You can read the section about lawful oaths and vows here:

Chapter 23 – Lawful Oaths and Vows
Although our only infallible rule of faith is scripture (Sola Scriptura), the historical orthodox teaching of the church can provide enormous benefits by giving a consistent understanding of scripture on those topics it addresses.

Look at the Text

First, let’s look at the text this question is coming from.
Matthew 5:33-37 33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

There is one other text where this same topic is spoken of, and I wanted to include it for consideration also. James repeats the teaching of Jesus regarding oaths almost verbatim.

James 5:12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

Awakening Answers
Let’s go through the main issues brought up by the question and address each in turn.

Is Jesus explicitly stating that we do not take oaths at all, what about all the oaths I’ve already taken, are they all sins?

This question arises because some take the prohibition of verse 34, “Do not take an oath at all” to be all-inclusive of any oath or vow however or whenever made. In general, it is the Anabaptist denominations who interpret this way (Amish, Hutterite, Mennonite, Brethren). I see this as a misinterpretation of the text for more than one reason.

1. On numerous occasions in Scripture, we read about the taking of an oath being not only sanctioned but commanded. (see Deut 6:13; 10:20; Psalm 15:4; Rom 1:9; 2 Cor 1:23; Phil 1:8; 1 Thess 2:5, 10)
2. God himself takes oaths. (see Gen 22:16; Psalm 110:4; Heb 6:17-18)
3. The God-man Jesus seems to have no reservations about speaking under oath. (Matt 26:63-64)

After considering scripture like this I conclude that our text in Matthew, and the same teaching in James, does not prohibit the taking of legitimate oaths and vows. When Jesus said, “Do not take an oath at all”, he was referring to the kind of so-called oath-taking promoted by the Pharisees. This kind of oath-taking was not made explicitly in the name of God. In taking oaths by lesser things, they intended to obtain confidence in what they said without putting themselves in any jeopardy if they proved to be liars. In other words, if your oath to something other than God (i.e. my mother’s grave, on my life) is for the express purpose of escaping the force and sanction of the vow, you must not swear “at all”. It is this kind of shallow swearing, not all swearing, that Jesus condemns.

We can also be helped by the context provided in Jesus’ teaching. If the intention were to condemn all swearing, the passage would teach just that and nothing more. The text would communicate “Do not take an oath at all” and be done with the topic. That is not what we have in the text, we have a further explanation of what kinds of oaths are specifically forbidden. The additional context provided by

“…either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.”

gives further indication that not all swearing was prohibited, but a certain type of swearing contained dishonesty through dissociation. The rest of the text is added, as further exposition, to explain the former “Do not take an oath at all” by giving example cases.

Not only is this my interpretation of this text, but I believe it to be the apostolic interpretation by example. If it were true that Jesus forbade all swearing of oaths and vows by this teaching in Matthew 5:33-37 then we would expect to see the Apostles operating with that correct interpretation. Instead, we see the opposite.

• Paul is under a vow in Acts 18:18.Paul is under oath in Rom 1:9.
• Paul is under oath in 2 Cor 1:23.Paul is under oath in 1 Thess 2:10.
• Paul is under oath in Gal 1:20.Paul is under oath in Phil 1:8.

What does it mean biblically if you break an oath?

This is an important question concerning the topic of oaths, vows, and swearing. What Jesus is doing with this teaching is explaining that all conversation has an eternal witness, not just our oaths or vows. Every word from the mouth displays its source. We are committed to honoring our Father in Heaven with truth, or the evil one who is the father of lies. That is why Jesus teaches that “anything more than this comes from evil”. Because anything other than the truth comes from the evil one who is the source of lies (John 8:44).

The text in James 5:12 is helpful when answering this question. It tells us the reason for abandoning the sinful use of swearing an oath to undergird false statements, “so that you may not fall under condemnation”. The word translated there as condemnation is the Greek word krisn, most used to communicate judging, decision, sentence; generally: divine judgment; accusation. This word has to do with divine judgment every time it is used in the New Testament. This warning is about the seriousness of a lying tongue and James elevates it to the point of saying eternal judgment is what comes about because of lies.
This functions as another way to communicate the seriousness of taking the Lord’s name in vain (Exo 20:7). In this case, the taking of the Lord’s name in vain would be done by breaking an oath taken in his name or by all the things that belong to Him on earth or in heaven. Not only is it sinful as a curse word, or as a flippant exclamatory, but a lie demonstrates a complete disregard for the glory and worth of God. God’s sentence on the heart that pours forth lies and false oaths is death in hell. The end of the entire warning passage in Matthew 22 in which oath-breaking and false oaths are contained, is the sentence of hell.

Matthew 23:33 33 You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?

James 3:6 is so clear on how dangerous the tongue is, and he speaks about it as setting the whole course of our lives on fire.

Then in Revelation 21:8, we have the destination of the one who is called a liar, “the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death”

All of this is to say that there is no small thing at stake when the issue of truthfulness is concerned. The Glory of God and eternity are on the line when topics of the heart like this one are discussed. This doesn’t mean that throughout our entire lives, we’ll never say anything that isn’t true. James also says in 3:2, “if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” A Christian will sin with their tongue. There will be times when we speak untruth, but it is not the way of our hearts. It is not the unbroken pattern of our lives. The sin of lying is the exception rather than the rule in the life of a believer.

James gives us a clear view into the heart of man. If your life is marked by swearing, using the name of God to persuade people you are truthful, and that’s the predominant pattern. That person stands ready to be sentenced to hell. On the other hand, when regeneration happens, and the new heart lives by God and for God we are made as new creations. We have a love for truth; and the new life pattern of a believer is a pattern of truth – not a perfect life with no lying, but discipline and repentance over sin as the exception in our lives, not the rule of it.

Is God the only one allowed to make oaths because only God can guarantee that an oath can be kept?

This is another good point to bring up. When studying scripture, we need to correctly determine if what is being written is descriptive or prescriptive. In this case, what is being asked is:
Just because God makes oaths doesn’t mean that we should. All the oaths God makes will be able to be kept and therefore He will never sin when making them. On the other hand, we might fail at keeping an oath. So, since we can’t guarantee our oaths will be kept, isn’t it better to never make any at all?
God may indeed do what we may not do. But in the context of Scripture and by example, what God has commanded, regulated, and done Himself suggests that this is one of those things in which God’s action is not just a historical record for us but a pattern for us. 

I would end with these thoughts,

There can be many appropriate instances where oaths and vows can be made. Neither Jesus nor James is discussing these areas. Instead, the context of the teaching and the Apostolic example show he is informing the everyday speech throughout the Christian community. As believers, our word is to be trustworthy, so we don’t need to swear an oath every time we make obligations and contracts to one another. If we find that our speech is untrustworthy, and we have the need to swear our truthfulness in all of our conversations, then perhaps we have not truly embraced the God of all truth.

Prov 4:23 23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Our Thursday evening discussion at Awakening Church about the biblical boundaries for relationships with unbelievers led to a follow-up question.

How should a Christian couple with young children govern relationships with unsaved family members? Would holidays together or sleepovers with grandparents be sinful or unwise?

This is an amazing question and I love the heart of the parent that thinks this way for two reasons. It shows the deep concern to fulfill the real responsibility to guard and raise a child in the Lord, and it shows a concern to honor parents and family relationships that God has sovereignly ordained in our lives.

I’ll begin by saying there are many circumstances that I won’t be able to predict or cover. For those difficult situations, I recommend speaking with your Elders and bringing their wisdom to bear on the specific scenario you may be confronted with. Apart from that advice, we can see in Scripture many helpful truths as we manage these types of relationships and priorities in our lives.

Honor Christ Above All

The honor, respect, worship, and obedience we owe to Christ must come before and govern all other relationships. Christ's blood-bought right over our life places upon believers the divine requirement for real, loving deference to God. This obedience to Christ in the ordering of our lives flows from a regenerated heart out of love for the Savior and functions as evidence to ourselves and those around us that we have been born again. These truths give us some good and wise boundaries for relationships surrounding unbelievers, even unbelieving family members.

As believers, we should avoid false religion, depart from ungodly traditions, and not participate in family sins. Insofar as any circumstances would include those behaviors, we must show deference to God and not the world, even when that includes unsaved family or friends. Instead, our lives should revolve around the priority of (especially concerning our children) church attendance, biblical instruction, worship, ordinances, service, evangelism, and the living of each day for the glory of God.

Raising and Protecting Children

Christian parents have a God-ordained duty to perform concerning their children. We must start by believing this truth. Abraham is told to “command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD” (Gen 18:19). Fathers are instructed to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph 6:4). The wisdom of God tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6) When we approach situations regarding our children, it’s not just the removal of negative influence or sin that should be a concern, it’s a lack of positive obedience that weighs heavily on my thinking surrounding this issue also. When thinking through these circumstances we must remind ourselves that there is no neutral ground for the world or for grandparents to stand on. In my experience, this kind of thinking dominates the issue.
 
If the unbelieving grandparents don’t actively or openly sin (e.g. cursing, blasphemy, drunkenness, movie choices) my children should be okay to spend a week or a weekend with them alone. It might not be a positive or Godly environment, but the grandparents have agreed not to do certain negative or sinful things in front of the children.

This line of thinking maintains the possibility of creating neutral ground on which the children could be handed over for certain agreed-upon visits or vacations. Scripture gives a different perspective when it comes to the possibility of neutrality. Jesus taught that “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” (Matt 12:30) Those two things are not similar at all, gathering and scattering are opposed to each other in every way. Understanding this about neutrality helps us to draw parental boundaries for the glory of God, and the good of children.

We understand these principles more innately when it comes to physical situations.  Would you allow your child to sleep over in a situation that would potentially bring them bodily harm? No. This question should be answered with the same kind of ease when spiritual harm is considered. The issue is that while we are rightly attuned to watchfulness for physical danger, we act as if spiritual danger is of minor or no consequence.
When the parents and children can be together during family gatherings, holiday events, or family visits wise biblical boundaries for sinful, God-dishonoring behavior can be used to protect the children. At the same time, positive commands and duties of a believer may be taught and exemplified for the children’s instruction and edification.

When setting up biblical, God-honoring boundaries for children, God’s commands to parents and the spiritual good of children should be considered top priorities. These don’t have to be static positions. As children age and mature the boundaries may change based on evolving circumstances, but to treat the parental duty and spiritual well-being of children as secondary concerns would be to miss the mark in a major way.
 
Your parenting is the most significant influence in the life of your child, and Godly parenting should fight back against the harmful influences that seek to destroy not just the bodies but the souls of our children.

God’s Sovereignty in Family

After considering what has been said, we should also remember that none of us have been placed in families by accident. The wisdom and purpose of God are as active in our family makeup as in individual salvation. 
When we find ourselves in situations where unbelieving family members can hear and see the gospel of Christ, we should avail ourselves of every opportunity to make clear their need for a Savior. When we make wise decisions that place God in the highest place of honor and glory, we give our unsaved family members exactly what they need. Compromise and acceptance of sin (such as unbelief) are ineffective methods for displaying the radical need for saving grace in a sinner's life. 
These opportunities may be used to teach children the importance of evangelism and prayer by starting with beloved family members who have yet to accept the gospel. Don’t shut out an unsaved grandparent from your lives completely, instead use these moments to display the importance of the gospel message to the family God has given you. This kind of biblical love must be grounded in the Word of God and not the compromise of emotion. Be prepared for questions, confusion, or even anger by unsaved relatives who might be provoked by their feelings over your decisions and spiritual boundaries, and pray that their need for Christ is made clear in love. (Eph 4:15)